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Faronheit
 

The Unreal Deal: 3-24-08

The following news story is not real. Any portion of it that even appears to be real is actually false. All real persons associated with this news story are not involved with its creation in any way. This story is not intended to slander or create false rumors about any person, place or thing. I remind you once again that nothing in this news story is true, and if you accept anything below as fact then you will be 100% incorrect and will probably look like a fool when attempting to claim it as real to others. If you happen to be a person or artist mentioned within this fake news story and somehow object to its fake content, please email me and I will adjust and/or remove the fake news story in accordance with your wishes. These stories are not created with malicious intent and are purely for entertainment purposes only. That said, I hope you enjoy the fake news story below.

SENIOR CITIZEN CONFUSES GNARLS AND CHARLES
71-year-old Ida Matazeras considers herself to be a very independent senior citizen. She is retired, lives by herself on a modest budget, and is in good health according to her physician. All things considered, she feels like she's in a much better condition than most others her age. But recently, Ida experienced a tragic incident that left her feeling confused and even tricked - causing her to question not only her own sanity, but also whether or not she'd be able to make it on her own.

"I was watching Letterman a couple years ago and he had Charles Barkley on the show," Matazeras said. "What I found really strange was that not only did he gain lots of weight, but apparently he's started a singing career. I was surprised at how good his voice was."

Unbeknownst to her, what she had seen that night was actually a performance by the group known similarly as Gnarls Barkley. Normally such confusion would have ended then and there, however Matazeras not only liked what she heard in that Gnarls Barkley song but also has been a long-time supporter of basketball player Charles Barkley.

"I've been a big fan of Sir Charles since back in the mid-80s when he was playing on the 76ers and I was coaching girls high school basketball in Philadelphia," she said. "It's great to see him back in the spotlight again after all these years."

The confusion only spread further when Matazeras told her friends about the Gnarls Barkley performance. Upon hearing about this, they got a chartered bus together and decided to go see what they thought was Sir Charles perform in concert.

"I hadn't been to a concert since Barry Manilow in 2000, but this seemed like just the thing to go and see," Matazeras said. "The weirdest thing was that they misspelled his name on the tickets."

Undeterred and none the wiser, Matazeras and her senior friends arrived at the show an hour early to 'get snacks and find their seats.'

"There were lots of really young people, which was odd because I don't think many of them knew that Charles Barkley was a basketball player before all this music," she said. "And thank goodness we were in seats, because some of those kids were jumping around in front of the stage most of the time and we might've been hurt had we been up close."

Seeing the concert didn't help matters any. Matazeras and her friends were convinced they had just witnessed a show featuring basketball player Charles Barkley. It took her grandson Jimmy to finally set her straight, albeit several months after that concert.

"Grandma was telling me all about this Charles Barkley song that she loved, and when she played it for me I explained that it was actually a band called Gnarls Barkley," Jimmy Matazeras said. "She clearly didn't realize that the basketball player has nothing to do with the group."

Now that she's clear on the difference between Charles and Gnarls Barkley, Ida Matazeras says that she no longer likes the musical group.

"I feel deceived," she said. "The name is almost the same, the singer looks like the basketball player, and that's just not right. Charles Barkley should sue them or something. The whole thing is just so terrible."

Naturally, the actual band declined to comment on the situation.

Gnarls Barkley- Charity Case

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